Ya heard of scleroderma??

I'm sitting with four dear friends and one new friend in the Pittsburgh Presbyterian Hospital. This hospital specializes in Lung Transplants and my sweet friend, Lorene is on the Lung Transplant list because she was diagnosed in 2010 with Scleroderma. Her symptoms have caused her lungs to harden - which makes it extremely hard to do anything. In the past, people with this form of scleroderma were sent home to die - but now there are a few hospitals that offer lung transplants. It's not easy to get in the list but after lorene was rejected from Duke - Pittsburgh said yes. You can read about her journey - here.

We were sitting in her apartment for only 1 1/2 hours when Lorene got a phone call around 2:00 pm. There was a lung available and they wanted her in the hospital in the next 30 minutes. This is the first time that she was given a hospital room and was completely ready in a bed for surgery at 9:30 tonight.

So we are waiting. With Lorene and her husband, Steve. They have a sweet relationship and are both handling the unknowns of this disease and the transplant situation well.

We know right now that one of her three surgeons flew to where the available lung is and is personally going to check it out. If this lung is a healthy match then the surgeon will fly back with it and then Lorene will go into surgery.

We've laughed a lot today. A lot.

Lorene, Sandi, Mandi and Kelly have all been friends since they were in elementary school. I met them all in high school. We are telling stories, making fun of each other and catching up. All 5 of us haven't been together since the end of high school.

*******************

It's now 1:00 am.

The lungs were a no-go. The surgeon found pneumonia in the lungs so another doctor came to let Lorene know. She was released and we all left.

There was a sense all day that it would be amazing that if she received her new lungs while the four of us were here. So it was a definite let down to hear that she wasn't getting new lungs tonight.

I'm still so thankful that we have been here with her though - this roller coaster is part of her journey. It's been amazing to me to see the outpouring of love, well-wishes and prayers from so many people in her life - from all over the world! Keep the prayers coming...for her strength and continued health and for her new lungs to come available soon!

Lingering - a new spiritual discipline for me?

I went to my parents church on Easter Sunday. Their senior minister, Dr. David Baker, preached about John 20: 1-18 (Mary and two disciples come to Jesus' empty tomb) which is the same scripture I mentioned in my blog earlier this week. Love that their church uses the lectionary as well!

One of the things I enjoy about being a part of bible discussion group AND a church that discusses Scripture according to the lectionary - is that I spend time thinking about that particular scripture for most of the week and then get to hear someone else's perspective on Sunday!! And I especially love it when they teach something that I hadn't noticed or thought of before.

I did notice in last weeks passage is that when the two disciples get to the to tomb they looked around and then left immediately. We talked about why they might have left in my Bible discussion...

But what I didn't particularly notice is that after Mary gets to the tomb - she lingers. Sure she stays behind but I hadn't thought about it as lingering. And because she lingers she actually got to see Jesus again. She thinks he is the gardner at first. Maybe he was near the tomb all along and she didn't notice. But then he calls out her name. Christ shows himself to Mary.

Maybe he showed himself because she lingered...

After Dr. Baker shared this perspective - he asked the congregation - "What do you miss out on in your life because you don't linger? Because you have something else you think you need to get to?"

Immediately I thought - I. Don't. Linger.

I prefer to know the outcome of things. I leave church services or classes as soon as they are over. If I'm uncertain then I tend to remove myself from whatever the situation is. If I feel like I'm out of words for the day, I leave. Lingering feels so awkward to me. I've left dates before it gets awkward just to avoid the unknown. I'm often the first one to leave dinner and start clearing the dishes even if the others are clearly staying longer.

I feel like my leaving is instinctual. I don't really think about it. But it is something I have been recognizing about myself lately.

I wonder about all the things I've missed out on since I don't linger. What friendship have i missed out on or could have grown deeper? How many kisses have I missed? Where did Jesus show up but I was already long gone?

Now for the past month I have been lingering. I've had breakfast, coffee or dinner with as many people in Pensacola that I can. I've started writing again. I haven't moved officially moved to Nashville yet so I can go back to Pensacola one more time. I'm allowing myself to grieve & love & say good bye over time.

This week I'm traveling alone. I'm spending time in Alaska for the first time. When I travel I have a hard time balancing time alone and listening for God's voice - with wanting to see everything I can!!

But I am listening. Lingering. Meeting locals and staying for conversations with them. Sitting in front of mountains and watching them change as the sun moves.

I'm glad that I've been reminded to slow down... To linger. To do this I have to be intentional. I have to make myself stay when I get uncomfortable or bored or feel uncertain.

Now I realize that just because I linger does not mean that my life will be incredibly different. But there could be one time...

...that I linger. And Jesus calls out my name.

Advent. Waiting. Hope.

One thing about life that I love AND struggle with is waiting.

Not knowing what is coming. Just as soon as I decide I know how something is going to turn out...it changes. Right?

Advent is a time of waiting.

I remember one time when I was about 6 years old while laying in bed in my grandma's home, I could smell the stale smell of being in a room that isn't used much any more blended with pine, soap and pecan pie. I was listening and trying so hard to keep my eyes open as I stared out the window. I just KNEW that I was going to see Santa and his sleigh that night. I just knew it. So...I actually heard bells ring that night and am pretty sure that I saw the bottom of the sleigh pass by the window. I was soooo excited that night! I mean, I heard and saw Santa! I still remember feeling like I was the luckiest girl alive that night...

Waiting for our King to be born. Waiting for Christmas morning. Waiting for people to really get it.

I spend a lot of time hoping. Hoping that my students will see how amazing it is to follow a God that wants to know each one of us individually. That as we struggle through life - we are not alone!

Do we still wait for God to move in our lives? Or have we given up on him and are just going to do it our way? Are we trying so hard to keep our eyes open to be the ones to catch Him in action as He steps out of heaven as a baby or a friend or a stranger...to bring hope into our lives?

What are you really waiting for?

My prayer is that we really do wait. With Expectation. Start listening. Looking out your windows. Watch.

I heart peeing in my wetsuit...(thanks Stephen)

It's been 9 days since I had my bunionectomy(sp?) and toe straightening surgery...and I finally was able to leave my house yesterday!!!!!!!!!! Yes!

This whole process has ben extremely humbling for me. I sit on my futon in my living room for most of the hours of all of the days - I have to ask for ice, drinks, DVD changing, clothes - EVERYTHING! Getting up and down on my left leg only - working on a left "bun of steel" - I've gotten MUCH better on my crutches...

OH - and I did fall last Sunday, I was just going to my bedroom to sit on my bed and somehow I fell in between my bed and my dresser and all of sudden I was on my face. For my girls that hiked with me two weeks ago and witnessed my amazing and sudden face plant on the A.T. - it was very similar to that. I am standing and then I am not. That quick...the scary thing was that I bumped my foot as I fell. My toes swelled up and I was in more pain - so I called my doctor and got in to see him on Tuesday. I did bump one of my pins out of place which he had to pop back into place. I won't go into details about that experiene but just know that it was the worst part of this surgery so far. I was worried it would be a setback but the past two days my foot has gotten so much better. I can sit with both feet in front of me without my foot throbbing - it is amazing! I am truly excited about having feet that don't hurt everyday. It will be a whole new experience!

AND yesterday was my first day out of the house. Mom took me to Panera for a Cinnamon Crunch bagel and an iced latte and then we went to Target where I got to ride the scooter. It's not as exciting as you think - riding the scooter that is - but it was soo great to get out. I also got to go see a movie - I've been wanting to see the "Bourne Ultimatum" all week. I asked to go as soon as I got home from my surgery, but they wouldn't take me! So I saw that movie. It was great.

Anyways, I wanted to give an update - I have been so blessed by all of you that have stopped by and spent time with me or made me food so far and now I will have to rely on you for the next 5 weeks to drive me around. Again, the whole process is humbling...even the easiest tasks take me so long or I have to have help to get them done. It's been good for me, though. I rarely sit or am still this long...it has also been a great time to pray for my students and friends on a regular basis. I am attempting to pray some of the hours - based off of some of Phyllis Tickle's books. How cool if I get into such a habit to stop at 6 a.m., 9 a.m., 12 p.m. and 3 p.m. to pray - that I continue it! We will see...