Motherless Babies Home...

Well, today we were going to work and play. First we planned on going by the Red Cross Motherless Babies Home to see what we could do there in April and then we were going to go to the lake with Richee and his friend Sylvester. It's about 45 minutes away from where Mary Ann lives and she really wanted to share this place with me. So we had the guys meet us at 10:00 a.m. to head out...and as we got in the car, Mare warned them them that the car isn't working well(see last nights info about that) - and that if it gave us too much trouble heading to the orphanage then we wouldn't go to the lake.

We made it to the Motherless Babies home and got out and were completely not sure where to go. Right away I knew that my group could just spend time cleaning up the grounds or removing trash or ANYTHING and it could be helpful. This is a non-profit organization and it completely depends on volunteers...we finally made our way to C who was willing to talk to us about the children at the home. And once she figured out that we were connected to Fyne...then she was very helpful!

Have to end here...but will continue in the morning.

Okay, the generator ran out of fuel last night so we had to shut everything down...

Basically, the Red Cross Motherless Children's home has huge needs and the absolute heartbreaking thing is that it will take so little from some of us to help fill some of their needs. Like they say on every commercial for places like this - only $20 or $30 a month can feed and care for a child! It's crazy true.

I have a few things that this orphanage can use that I want us to try to take care of...I will list them in separate post.

After C gave us a tour of the whole facility we played with the babies but not for very long and then we went to buy them peanuts and biscuits(crackers) across the street.

We never went to the lake - the car is not in good shape so we decided not to risk it if we didn't have to and we are still going to have to use the car to get me to the airport.

Mare and I got some more shawarma's at Crunchies and spent the afternoon entertaining some of her male admirers. They stop by quite often. It's actually pretty rediculous...some of them do just want to be friends but so many would love to marry an american woman! They really do believe that America has all the answers...they have bought everything that Hollywood is selling. What was pretty amazing is that two of the guys(the ones that went to the orphanage with us) - actually listened to us when we explained that hollywood is not how most of America really is. Mare has told that to soooo many people already but most don't believe her. So I think it is helpful to have two of us here - to give different examples. I told them how I hiked the entire Appalachian Trail and they just couldn't understand why someone would do that...but it made them realize that we don't all sit around with food at our feet all the time. It was a fascinating conversation...

In the evening, we ate fried yams and plantains - split the last of the smores that I brought(just the marshmellow, chocolate and graham cracker - not over a fire)...and watched another movie together before the power and generator went out.

breathing deeply

I ran this afternoon with Denise. She started running about a year and four months ago - has completely followed the Jeff Galloway interval training program and ran 3 half marathons this past year with me and is now training to run her first full marathon in February. I say all of that to tell you that she ran her first 20 miles this past week. And she is doing fantastic. It's kind of humbling and irritating simultaneously. So she ran 6 miles on Tuesday and wanted to do about 4 miles with me to day.
Well, it was not my best run - we ran 2/1's (2 minutes running, 1 minute walking) at about a 11 minute pace. Which is about what I would run right now if I were doing a race. But I made it and I LOVE how my body feels right now. I am tired. A bit drained and it's amazing! I wish I could explain it better but if you've been there then you know what I mean.
I am 2 weeks away from my surgery and I am determined to feel this a couple more times before that day.

Integrity.

I'm a youth minister.
I work with the most amazing youth on the planet.
With adults that I think believe that I am crazy but they stand with me.
I feel like a failure more than not.
After nights like tonight - I am not sure if I am any good at what I do.
Integrity.
How do you talk about integrity when God loves me in spite of my divided life.
When most adults don't talk about integrity on a regular basis.
Integrity.
Who you are when no one else is watching.
I know many people who have integrity in specific things but I don't know anyone who has integrity in most things.

Speeding
Eating
Movies
Internet
Words
tests
pens
relationships
what else?

I'm not sure what the answer is - but I also want to be as open about my lack of integrity as well as my intent to live a life of integrity. And I know I can't do it on my own.

Okay - let's say that I just feel a presence...it's like it's pushing on me. You know the way clouds look like they are doing to each other...they press together and then sort of become the same thing? Or maybe they just pass by...or maybe one envelopes the other...
Hmmmm...I think it might really be me...this presence...the me that I have always been and who I show to others but try to convince myself that I might not really be. I don't smoke and I don't cuss (most of the time) and I love God and I love Jesus and I love trees and I love to help people find themselves and I love doing things with and for others and I love hiking and I like to run :) and I don't want to have sex before I get married and I don't understand most things that people do and I love drinking Guinness and I love eating my steak medium rare and I love having real conversations and I love eating rabbit turd ice and I love crocheting BUT for so long I have believed that I still had something to prove. I don't. I am me. I laugh too loud and I smell after I run and I have bunions and I am not married but I look forward to what each day has for me. I screw up more things than most people know and I eat too much but that is me.

Life

I had lunch with one of my senior girls today and we talked about life and choices and how it is exciting and scary all at the same time. She mentioned that she looks at life like riding on a rollercoaster and it's the part where you are about to go over the top of the big hill and you are scared but excited and you want off but you want to ride and as soon as it is all over you want to ride the ride again. I agree. I am so thankful for my life...but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I don't really know why I am here or what I am doing or even if I am doing it well...but I am in for the ride. Hanging on to the Hand that has never let go of mine...
Sometimes I want what it looks like everyone else has - the house, dog, partner, 2.5 kids and a 2 week family vacation in the summer. But I don't fit that well. I do love the house: I would like to buy one again - to have my own space that I can create to be whatever I want it to be or do nothing...have people over or shut the blinds and stay in bed...
I don't need a dog...never have had one...I might...you never know. There are two dogs in the house that I am living in now...they like a lot of attention - and they make me laugh - but sometimes they stink! Hahahahaha...I make me laugh.
A partner...a man to walk through life with. Yeah, I want that...but I will need someone who is super unique...I know I can love well and I want to be loved well in return. Otherwise, I just want to live - share - travel - and try new things...I actually have always wanted a man who had a stronger faith than I do - and the older I get the more possible that becomes. I don't know if that means that I am losing my faith...or that I am realizing that I don't have as much as I thought I did to begin with...
Kids - yep, how amazing is it that I was created to give life. That is overwhelming. And would I? I think I would even though - I am not sure why I am here. Children...the way they look at life...it is so incredible. Huge amounts of faith, love to explore, tell stories...man I could go on.
2 week vacation - yeah - that would be nice - cause you know I love to travel and explore!!!

But I want more than all of this. I want a community of people that challenge me daily. That don't let me just settle but let me be boring if I need to be for a day or so. Is it possible to find a man that will walk with me but also multiple men and women to walk with too? Not in a swap partners sort of way but in a bohemian, gypsy, live life bigger than one person sort of way.
When I read Acts 1-4...I love how it describes the believers living in the same space and sharing everything they owned together...
Acts 4:32-34 "Now the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common. With great power the apostles gave their testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great grace was upon them all. There was not a needy person among them, for as many as owned lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold. "