Completely dependent

I started off my day with a cup of coffee and silence - curled up with my laptop working on some things for the mission trip next week.  I remember telling Susie - "It's so quiet!"

I'm in Pensacola at the Schmidt's (Susie and Gene's) to rent a truck and finally get all of my furniture and boxes and move the stuff to Lebanon. 

I got a call on Tuesday from one of the Pensacola FUMC dad's. He has graciously let store all of my house stuff in one of his POD's for at least 2 1/2 years for FREE!!  Well, he called on Tuesday to let me know that POD was cutting down on their "donation" department.  So I needed to get my stuff out of the POD as soon as possible!  

I wasn't quite sure what to do.  But I decided that it was time to move my stuff up to TN.  On Wednesday night I rented a one-way car and drove down here yesterday. 

Then last night my wallet was stolen out of the rental car. I thought I had locked the car but there wasn't any damage on the car so I guess I left it unlocked.

I realized it was gone around 8:15 a.m. this morning.  I didn't get too worried at first - just figured it was inside somewhere.  But after dumping my two bags out 3 different times and crawling through the car...I checked my online banking accounts and was able to find two charges on one credit card today at a nearby gas station. I hadn't left the house - so that wasn't from me.

The next 45 minutes were a whirlwind

-My rental car was due back at the airport by 9:00 a.m.

-I realized that if I DID take the rental car back - how would I rent another car or truck if I didn't have a drivers license?

-Susie came out ready to take me to the airport to turn the car in

-I called the police and they sent a guy out immediately

-I called my church in Lebanon and completely fell apart on the phone with them

-Lisa and Pam tried to figure out ways to help me rent a truck over the phone

-the police man dusted for prints and took all my info

-I cancelled all of my credit cards and found out I could have my american express overnighted for free

-I took the rental car back 30 minutes late but my lateness was excused.

-Susie figured out how I could get a replacement drivers license today

-But the half empty tank of gas was not.  I forgot and wouldn't have been able to get gas anyways without a credit card.  So that half tank cost - $79

-Susie took me to the dmv and gave me money to pay for the drivers license

-I was able to get a drivers license with very little trouble because I had gotten a new last year and had a "gold star".  Which means they have copies of all the things that prove that I am me. 

-Susie also has helped me rent a moving truck so I can still move all of my stuff tomorrow morning

It's now early afternoon.  I am overwhelmed and wondering. I feel like the past month has been a total lesson for me to realize just how much I am dependent on others.  And I have to ask for help. And I have to let them help me. Again. I thought I had learned this. 

I have texted a bunch of different people to ask if they can help me move tomorrow.  I am always amazed at how many people are willing. Even if they aren't able.

I think I am also amazed at the people who are not willing. 

I hope I get to a place in my life where I don't apologize when I ask someone to help me with bigger things.  I think have gotten there with the smaller things. 

Here are the things that I haven't figured out yet - 

I still need a place of my own to live in Lebanon or Mt. Juliet that doesn't cost more then I can afford.

I still need a place to store everything.

I still need to sell my house.

I still need to buy a new gas heater and air conditioning system for the house in Pensacola - cost: $4000

I am humbled and thankful for the people who stand alongside of me in this process.

Recognize. Turn back. Say thank you.

30 Hour Famine blog -

Last month I blogged about the practice of saying thank you as a spiritual discipline. So when Marko suggested that I use that same idea for my 30 Hour Famine blog - I spent some time figuring out how to line up what I am experiencing through this spiritual discipline in a way that would make sense and invite other youth leaders to try this practice for themselves.

I'm not sure if I got it quite as clear as I had hoped. But I really do believe that if we take the time to say thank you for all the things that we have - it helps to not take advantage.  The practice may not change a child's life in another country but it could change how we approach ministry...our youth...our day to day lives - which might possibly it change our lives and their lives in a small but significant way.

Ironically, the two days I was working on this blog have been filled with hard or sad news - personal and for a few friends.

Amazing how I'm challenged to continue to say thank you. Even if I'm not sure what to say thank you for yet.

Wanna read what I wrote for the 30 Hour Famine?  Check it out here:

http://www.30hourfamine.org/2013/06/recognize-turn-back-say-thank-you/

Savorings...351-400

351. The feel of an actual book

352. A drink outside with a new friend

353. Partnering with new people in ministry

354. Uncertainty and eagerness of middle schoolers

355. When a teenager checks on her mom through text

356. So many people stopping me to make sure I know that they are glad that I am here

357. Parent meeting

358. Questions that invite teenagers to tell some of their story

359. Parents wanting to get involved in a new way with the youth meeting

360. Seeing parents experience hope

361. Homemade Ginger and lemon cookies - yum

362. Telling Pam that the teenagers like having her around & they want her to help more

363. The look on her face after I told her

364. That the Winfrees came to serve at Joseph's Storehouse on Saturday

365. Sunday afternoon naps

366. Fresh smell of clean laundry warming in the sun

367. Texts from Michelle, Shari and Gregg - checking on the parent meeting

368. Mom's hard recipes that taste so good

369. Family on Memorial Day

370. Warm blankets to curl up under

371. Cheering on runners with strangers

372. Watching my sister with her daughter

373. Hugs that fit just right

374. Friends who drive me back & forth to the airport

375. Birthday cards from youth and parents

376. Lulu lemon gift card

377. Grandpa's birthday bonds for the majority of my life

378. Hand written cards

379. Setting a personal record of 27:45 at the Memorial 5k!!! 

380. My dad taking care of my mom

381. Mom trying to help in the kitchen even though she's in a wheelchair for now.

382. Laughter with mom & dad in the kitchen

383. The way Grace's smile happens so quickly 

384. Holding Grace and breathing her in

385. When she nuzzles into my neck

386. Telling my aunt that I'm proud of her - 

387. That she's taking a risk by making some hard life decisions

388. Dad taking me to Rita's ice tonight

389. Spending the day with Grace and my mom

390. I love watching Grace see things

391. Birthday dinner of steak and crab legs

392. Grandpa brought Wendy's salads over for lunch cause that's his new routine with mom

393. Singing old Raffi songs with mom & Grace

394. All the birthday wishes from so many people that I've known over my life through calls, texts and facebook

395. Kissing my mom on the head

396. Homemade steak sauce

397. Talking to Sandi about Blue Like Jazz today

398. My mom's pantry always stocked for anything

399.  Mom's voice

400. Falling asleep as dad plays his classical guitar

"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that's given us." ~ JR Tolkien

Centennial Trail, South Dakota 2005

Savorings... 301-350

301. Meeting up with the Schmidts at the concert

302. Sleeping in

303. Travel with no agenda 

304. Time to tell stories and eat good food

305. New bathroom stuff from IKEA

306. That the bathroom stuff makes my space feel a little more like home

307. Trip Advisor app and finding amazing restaurants

308. Yummy, yummy, yummy pizza

309. Free birthday Rita's Ice in Atlanta 

310. Finding a new friend &prayer partner in a youth ministry parent

311. New confirmands and that I  got to give them their Bibles

312. Invited into people's lives, stories and secrets

313. Lunch with Mandy and Aiden

314. Graduation dinner traditions

315. Painting as an activity for the graduates

316. Watching them choose a word to represent their story with the cross painting

317. Having an extra one - so I could paint as well

318. That my painting isn't a failure

319. Choosing "risk" as my word

320. Monday morning boot camp with a new leader

321. Leaving work early to meet a friend for dinner in Nashville

322. Catching up with Laura Paulk

323. Strawberries on sushi

324. Weather that continues to be gorgeous

325. Sitting outside for dinner

326. Having time to sit with Ingrid on her porch for a couple hours that night

327. The staff singing happy birthday to me

328. Pizza birthday lunch

329. Watching hail come down and being dry and safe inside

330. Dinner with the Wildes

331. Telling hiking stories 

332. Meeting with the youth council

333. 7 mile run from my apartment to Don Fox Park

334. Parents who sacrifice over and over again for this youth ministry

335. Being able to say thank you

336. Writing notes to the 7th graders

337. Finding my rhythm with plans for summer activities

338. Dinner with the Cowells

339. The gift of free range eggs 

340. Plans for a parents meeting

341. Intentionality

342. The ache after leg day

343. A drive down back roads at sunset

344. The smell of honeysuckle

345. Loneliness... But in a good way

346. Working with 100 other people to make a difference in Wilson county

347. Praying with strangers

348. Gods word creating clarity

349. Teaching moments with teenagers

350. An email of encouragement from Marko

"We see God face to face every hour, and know the savor of Nature." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Savorings...251-300

251. Cooking with mom

252. Running with my dad in the Homerun for the Homeless - in a snow storm

253. Sitting on the back porch watching the sun slowly go down

254. My parents always have crab and lobster for me when I go home

255. Taking a bath at Grandma Carolyn's with her Calgon

256. Sleeping in my day's bed at grandma Helen's

257. Snow with honey

258. Cinnamon Certs at grandma Helen's

259. Latch hook at grandma Carolyn's

260. Grandpa Dean measuring how tall I was on his back porch

261. German Christkindl markt

262. Brat wurst

263. The smell of my mom's laundry - mine never smells as good

264. Real candles on real Christmas trees

265. Mumford and Sons last year with Susie, gene, Ingrid, Brenda, Abe & Cameron

266.  Getting home from wilderness trail after the big bus broke down

267. Moving every other year or so of my childhood

268. Honeysuckle

269. Pomegranate seeds and mud pies

270. Learning how to roller skate in plastic skates

271. My tree house in New Mexico

272. Having a sister

273. Building forts at the Wombles

274. Listening to Barbra Streisand with mom

275. Learning to crochet in 3rd grade

276. Laura Ingalls Wilder books

277. My aunt Daun's creative gifts 

278. Walking to school in the snow

279. My favorite pair of jeans

280. My too many pairs of chaco's

281. Osprey backpacks and their customer service

282. A good massage from a boyfriend

283. Cooking dinner with friends

284. Dad's pancake faces or words on Saturday mornings

285. That dad always forgets how Julia and I like our waffles and there is still a note over his stove to remind him

286. Running to explore north of Lebanon.

287. Driving up and down roads to find Don Fox Park  and other places that people talk about all the time.

288. Lectio Devina

289. Honest conversation with Pulse

290. Long days at work 

291. Middle school plays that are short and funny

292. A new friend willing to be spontaneous

293. Good coffee

294. Yummy grilled cheese

295. Lunch outside in sweet Roswell

296. A great deal for a hotel

297. Outdoor concerts

298. Running into Chris and Josh

299. Youth ministry interns who are now dear friends and peers

300. The gift of a free shirt

"We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts.” ~ Dietrich Bonhoffer

Neuburg an der Donau, October 2011

Savorings... 201-250

201. A window seat to rest in before dinner

202. Tennessee farm houses

203. Dinner with the first family who invited me over

204. Watching Toly open his birthday presents

205. Having an off day

206. Tim checking on me today

207. Praying for my youth this morning

208. Small answered prayer for a hard situation

209. Watching my dad sing to mom & Grace on my iPad

210. Working with a team of people who seem to all love & honor each other

211. Signing up for as many free birthday meals that I can find :)

212. Mom's foot healing well

213. A raining morning off 

214. Time to read 

215. Officially moving to Lebanon

216. Time with Ingrid to catch up

217. Whole foods

218. Breakfast with Laura, Bev, Melissa and Vona

219. Walking around Franklin downtown 

220. Yummy Mexican food at Sopapillas new restaurant in Hendersonville

221. Hart of Dixie season two with Ingrid

222. Making jokes with 7th and 8th graders

223. Taking time to go to 3 different grocery stores for the best prices

224. Preparing meals for the week

225. Playing with chia seed 

226. Getting to a 5:15 am boot camp outside in 38 degrees

227. Loving the boot camp

228. That I speak German

229. The noise my mom's knee makes 

230. That I spent most of my childhood in Germany

231. Reading the Laura Ingalls Wilder collection at least 30 times

232. My mom singing to me when I went to bed

233. Tapes from Grandpa Dean on my childhood birthdays of songs that he wanted me to know about

234. I still have the tape from my 7th birthday

235. I interviewed my Grandma Carolyn when I was in 8th grade and still have the recording

236. My best friend, Bettina, from 2nd grade

237. Bettina's family - I loved spending time with them

238. Lemon and coffee ice in Europe

239. Schnitzel, spaetzel and spezi

240. Clean water to drink any time I want

241. The opportunity to go to Nigeria in 2008 and 2009

242. Listening to my dad play Bach when I was going to bed in high school

243. Making root beer with my grandpa 

244. Music therapy

245. Hiking the Appalachian trail with my sister

246. Recognizing the Hermit Thrush call - and I love it

247. Hiking in New Zealand 

248. Walking up to Mount Rushmore without paying because we were hiking the Centennial Trail

249. Borrowing a car to drive to Rhode Island while staying the night in Connecticut

250. Memories that are popping up through this process

"Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Tongariro Crossing I New Zealand, 2009 

Planning and wondering and opening...

It's a Monday afternoon - half way through the month of May and I am sitting at my desk. I've been at this position for exactly two weeks.

I have a copy of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, "Dangerous Wonder" by Michael Yaconelli, the youth version of Groups VBS for Youth - Kingdom Rock sitting on my desk and I just reread through the first two weeks of "Sticky Faith Every Day: 8 Weeks of Knowing God More". 

I decided about an hour ago that I should already know what I'm teaching on for the summer and to start planning for the fall - and I started to feel overwhelmed by all the things that I think the youth NEED to know NOW!  I'm already behind! How do I cover everything now? 

-having a thankful heart
-wanting to serve others but not because they should
-having faith like a child
-build relationships with adults in our church

I also need to get the parents and volunteers caught up!  I need them to make this ministry work. So I've got to buy Mark Yaconelli's book - "Contemplative Youth Ministry" for all of the adults.  I should have done that last week!  And how do I best figure out what the adults are best gifted at and plug them in? 

I've even skimmed Chris Folmsbee book " A New Kind of Youth Ministry".

And then I just started to tear up.  Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit.

I put my head on my arm and I stopped.

I prayed.  I asked for forgiveness. I asked for wisdom. I asked for grace. And I asked for insight in how to lead this ministry with humility and inclusiveness. (Mind you this didn't take a long time)


~~Now I need to make sure that I say - I know that all of the things that I am hoping to teach and invite these youth and adults into are good things. Good. The books that I listed above are GREAT.  FYI - I think everyone should read them.  ~~


I am good at youth ministry. 

Meaning that I'm good at doing what needs to be done.  I make ministers and parents feel like their youth have a good group to belong to.  And that's good!

But...

But I don't want to only be good at youth ministry.

I want to be an individual who loves Jesus and loves teenagers and helps them know that they are loved by Jesus in such a way that these youth can't wait to know more about him.

To be perfectly honest...since I started this new position two weeks ago - I started building the youth ministry machine. It's what I'm good at!  And it already looks good.

Even though I knew I didn't want to.

I forgot to love Jesus first.

I haven't forgotten about loving teenagers - I'm good at that too. But I'm wondering if there is a way that I could be even more present.  In a way that I have never done before or at least haven't done in a while.

Risk.

Inviting youth and adults into relationship with me. 
Into relationship with each other.
Into relationship with Jesus.

It really is that easy.  Why do I make it harder?

Prayer.

I need to be more intentional to pray for them. Not just in my time of Sabbath but also as part of my work week.

Invite people to pray with me.

Risk.

So I'm done with planning for today.

I've got a list of youth that I haven't met yet. Time to pray and maybe contact.

But first - pray.