I went to the hospital this afternoon to see a student that attempted to commit suicide last night. We were told that he might not make it, so Debra(she typically does hospital visits) met me at the hospital to find his room and hopefully offer up a prayer and just talk. I had NO idea what to expect as I walked into the room and I can't even tell you the joy and unnerving that I felt when I saw that he was hooked up to wires and his eyes were OPEN!
I haven't seen this guy for 5 1/2 to 6 years - he was in my children's ministry and then moved to Utah for a couple of years and I didn't even know he was back in town. The only reason he came to church as a kid was because his grandparents brought him every week.
What do you say to someone that was so done with life that he was willing to end it? How can anything that I have to say mean anything to him - I don't know the struggles that he goes through on a daily basis. At all.
I spent about 30 minutes with him and his grandmother and we talked about somethings that he enjoys doing now and what he has been struggling with the most these days...and I am going back to hang out with him for 2 hours tomorrow. What will we talk about? I don't think it matters. I am determined to help him realize that he is loved. He seemed to be pretty excited that I would want to come back and hang out with him at all...
Why do so many kids have families that don't know how to love them? Just for being themselves?
My prayer for him is that he realizes that he has worth. That he has worth and that he is loved so much so that he can share that love with others and not just need it for himself. My prayer for myself is that I can be available and an instrument of God's love but that I also have the wisdom to know how to help him be his own person and not depend on me or anyone for his self worth.
Ahhhh...the inadequacy that I feel right now. There are so many other students that I could name in my program on a regular basis that could end up right where he is...
Lord, wrap your able arms around them and fill them with your spirit.