First of all, I have to say that m&m's are becoming my candy of choice these days. I love the hard candy shell.
I ran 4 miles this morning. I am running in a 1/2 marathon on Saturday in Nashville - it will be the 3rd time that I run this 1/2. And it's actually kind of sad - cause I am tired of running. I feel like I am constantly forcing myself to go farther and I just don't want to anymore. So it might be time to find another physical activity. I have looked at buying a bike but it get's a little overwhelming...cause there are so many! And helmets and clothing...whew. I love to be in shape - for me - and I have to do something outside of my office because all I do is sit most days.
So I go to the gym, I run, I lift weights - trying to stay in shape and I am tired! I should live in a place where I could walk everywhere. But can you do that anymore? Probably - but I am not leaving here for awhile.
It is a constant battle for me(and I realize for others as well) to try to stay healthy but not get caught in the battle of looking and maintaining to look a certain way. I like to look cute. And it's easier to look cute if you "are cute" or if you are thinner. Whew, that is hard to write. I know that I am loved just as I am. Jesus invites me to the table with all my faults, including my random insecurities about how I look - and he loves me. But I still compare myself to everyone else. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think about this all the time but if I am honest, I think about it more than I want to. And then I feel incredibly selfish. Ha.
I took my youth on a Good Friday retreat last week and we spent a lot of time working on focusing on God - what He wants, who He is and how He works in our lives. And in the process, we were shifting our attention off of ourselves. I love watching them - in the Labyrinth prayer walk or the Stations of the Cross- completely soaking in the fact that they are loved and wanting to love Him back. It gave many of us a new way to look at Easter.
So as an Easter person - who completely believes that Jesus walked out of the tomb and lives today - how do I combine the fact that I am incredibly selfish and insecure but also am loved and accepted. Now...today. I guess, I am writing all of this because I want to be able to share my humanness(sp?). I work with youth - so I know that I am not the only one struggling with these thoughts(whether they have to do with staying in shape or whatever it is that you are struggling with)...so if you are - you are not alone. I will stand with you - and...God stands with us...
Who knows - I may never figure it all out - but I do enjoy the questions and the journey. (most days)
Psalm 139:1-12 (The Message)
"GOD, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence. I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too-- your reassuring presence, coming and going. This is too much, too wonderful-- I can't take it all in! Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there! If I go underground, you're there! If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon, You'd find me in a minute-- you're already there waiting! Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I'm immersed in the light!" It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you."