Saturday, April 06, 2013

Keeping my eyes above the waves...

I have a tendency to listen certain songs over and over. Typically they are songs that evoke some kind of response out of me. This week while driving around Alaska - there have definitely been a few that have been on repeat.

Some of the singers/songs:

Ingrid Michaelson
I don't wanna be the first to let it go
But I know, I know, I know
If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know I've got to let them go

Happy is the heart that still feels pain
Darkness drains and light will come again
Swing open your chest and let it in
Just let the love, love, love begin

Philip Philips
Gone, Gone, Gone:
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating- I freakin love this song right now!

Garrison Starr
And I wish I could save you
From all the shrieking voices
Inside your head that rip you to shreds
And tell you lies
Like there's no happiness to find

And THE ONE that keeps taking my breath away today is from Hillsongs latest album
Oceans - Where feet may fail:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

That first line...Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders??? Really? No borders? What if I'm trusting in the wrong thing? How do I honestly know when it comes to the matters I have questions about?

My trust has so many borders - it almost pisses me off. I've cried today while listening to this song. Gotten angry. Even had moments of profound hope. I wish I was in a place to completely trust. But I'm not sure that its possible for me to trust God without borders.

I AM trying.

My favorite part of this song are these six lines - and they are repeated six times. Reminds me of Taize songs or even a longer breath prayer.

In my moments of profound hope today - I have actually said (to myself), "I'm in love with my life!" Which would crack me up.

I'm not exactly sure what is NEXT in my life but lately I've been smack in the middle of something hard. As well as beautiful. I like the steps I've taken. I'm sharing my heart more. I've cried a lot. I'm taking risks. I'm trying to be present even when I want to shut down(that's the hardest for me).

In the something next - I don't know how much of the story that I'm in the middle of now will continue but what I do know is that I'm trying to approach it all as a celebration.

I'm ok if I'm not able to trust God without borders. But I'm planning to repeat those six lines over and over as a prayer until they do become truer in my life.

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