This is definitely a feel sorry for myself blog - so be forewarned!
Do you ever have a week where you feel like Eeyore...kind of just here for the moment? Things are good - my foot has been improving - I have a better gait(I still look funny though).
I love to feel like I am in control. Notice the difference between being in control or feeling like you are in control...
I went to the pool on Friday for the first time since July...and it was such an amazing feeling - the water, the control, I only pulled/stroked(used my arms) but I was able to do everything that all the other swimmers were working on...just with out kicking. And on Monday, I worked on swimming the butterfly stroke and even kicked and felt great till my arms almost fell off...it blows my mind how much more I am connected to how my body feels and how I can improve my stroke - what was I doing when I was in high school!!!???
I drove for the first time in 5 weeks and 2 days on Saturday. Freedom and control!!! Many days, hours of patience and lots of people have helped me...so humbling. I felt good enough to drive myself to church on Sunday and to lunch, it doesn't hurt at all to push the brake in BUT after lunch my car decided that I hadn't paid enough attention to it in the last 5 weeks. It wouldn't start, turn over, crank - nothing. Lalla jumped it off and I drove it for about 30 minutes, per many peoples recommendation but as soon as I got home it died again.
So it's at the shop and they don't know what is wrong with it yet - so I am still depending on others to get me from point A to point B...I could honestly do this all the time if others were willing.
A 53 year old Lawyer in Gulf Breeze gets arrested for...(honestly, I don't even want to write it). But blech.
AND I just left my doctors office - and the implant/2 part pin in my 3rd is disconnected again, the doctor said it shouldn't cause me any problems but my toe is crooked and it could cause me pain eventually which means he would have to go back in to straighten it. So exciting. And he wants me to wait 3 more months before I can have my second foot done...which means December at the earliest. Do I do it in December or should I wait longer???
Patience has been what the past couple of months have been about. I think I have done pretty well, you would honestly have to ask the people that are around me all the time, but I am ready. Ready to run, to train, to focus on something and I might not be able to for awhile. Yikes!
Last thing - there is a gentleman in my church who was given 5 more months to live back in July - and I found out yesterday that he probably won't make it through this week. Jack and Hester Stockton have been a huge part of my life since 1999...honestly, Jack used to scare me a bit when I was first on staff...he has volunteered at our church for 25 years in our R and R group - a bunch of older men that are retired that help repair anything on Wednesdays. Hester took Disciple 1 with me in 2001 and constantly challenged my beliefs and asked fantastic questions and honestly cussed a few times when she was passionate about something. She has always made me laugh. For the past 3 years she has called me "Flip Flop" because she thinks I don't wear any other shoes. I saw her last week and she couldn't even remember my name. Who is going to take care of her now?
Lord, I thank you for these two souls that have hugged me and welcomed me and challenged me - and I ask that you comfort both of them in this time and allow those of us that can - to be available to help, listen, and just be present for them. And thank you for my life, my friends, my brain, and full use of my body - and don't help me to never take these gifts for granted!