Wednesday, August 24, 2005

got a fog going on...

I have fallen in love. And we are "dating". But we are struggling. I had an overwhelming need to talk to him yesterday. To speak my fear. Around 9:30 am - I all of sudden needed to talk to him "right away"...but I waited till after staff meeting to call and see if he had any lunch plans. It's hard to paint a pic of what has been going on. He and I have a connection that is what I think most people hope to least once in their life time. Or maybe I just make that up...who knows...but I am willing to admit that maybe I have NO idea. But when we don't work- then we suck...and I can tell you that it's because we aren't being honest. With each other.
But anyways...we talked or actually I talked and I told him that I don't know where this is going and we may never know. There is so much that I know that he needs to continue to work on and that will make the biggest difference. I guess the scariest question that I have to ask myself is can I see my life without him in it and I can' that will suck if it gets to that.
The funny thing is - he asked me last night where I blog...and I actually blog here and at two other places but I think this is the one that noone knows I am the most honest.

I love to laugh...I love to laugh at ridiculous things...I also love inside jokes...those are my favorite...
It's amazing to me how many people are out in the world that are sooooooooooo afraid to live. Afraid to be themselves - it's almost as if we create such a false identity that we can't get out it anymore...and most of us don't even know it's happening! Some people I have met do know but aren't sure how to change it and some people I have met are trying hard to change it...but most of us have walls galore. It is so sad. But I have hope. I have hope and laughter...and air conditioning.

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