Sunday, August 10, 2008

Taking a walk...

I have begun to walk in the evenings. Not long walks and normally after 8:00 p.m. but just time for me to get out and think. I have found lately that if I don't remove myself from my couch in the evening - I will typically spend most of the time watching one of my netflix movies or tv shows...and spending way too much time online. I really haven't been blogging or journaling much anymore and I think part of it has been that I don't give myself time to process my thoughts.

I used to run outside at least 3 days a week...and even if I was out there with a friend, I had time to process. I am starting to run more often now that my feet are doing better but I am still picking the air conditioned gym over being outside in the Florida humid summer heat.

Walking outside after the sun is down is giving me a chance to breathe again. It's a weird feeling to be out there by myself in the shadows, random cars pass me and I can see people moving around in their houses...they have no idea I am walking past their house at that moment.

I've been surprised by feelings and memories each time I am out there. I think of people that I want to connect with or remember how I reacted recently in a way that I am not proud of - or wherever else my brain takes me in the moment.

Tonight, the moon isn't not very bright. There are clouds out and it just seems so peaceful. I was thinking about how much I still want to do in my life. My dreams. And how so often I feel overwhelmed by what is undone...and I want to help by improving some of the little things that can make a big difference in this world. Also about how I love being single because I really, really can do what I want. I feel like I am better at everything that I do because I am not connected to anyone in anyway... But I also long to find a man who will love me and challenge me and walk with me.

I think I am getting older. And I like it.

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